He said/she said. Did you miss us?
We’re here to wipe away those tears and give you the gift you’ve been missing: our honest thoughts on the pizza of UBC. Specifically, we’ll tell you what time of day these slices should be enjoyed.
1. Virtuous Pie
3339 Shrum Lane (in Westbrook Village)
Order: Grandma Pie
Price: $12.60 (for a whole pizza)
Time: One episode of Friends
Grease factor: Low—shawty got low.
Unexpected: Vegan
She said: Oh my gosh, you’ve got to start eating this. I mean, already my expectations were high ‘cause they have sparkling water that comes out of a tap here and you know a restaurant is bougie if they do that.
He said: The fresh rosemary is the best thing on this earth.
She said: I don’t know what type of vegan cheese this is, but it melts in your mouth.
He said: Here’s the thing: if you told me this was vegan I’d be like, “Ha, no.” And they do have dipping sauce, too, if you’re a dippy girl.
She said: It’s perfectly cooked. You can tell that someone really cared about making this pizza.
He said: The perfect time for this is lunch with my parents because they would pay for this.
She said: This is definitely a “lunch with the girls” sort of situation.
2. Pizza Garden
5780 University Blvd (in the University Village)
Order: The all meat one
Price: $3.00
Time: 3 comments on an Instagram picture.
Grease factor: Brilliantly greasy (but not overly so).
Unexpected: Chew from the crust is incredible.
He said: Crust is soft. It’s kind of like Neapolitan style, as it claims to be. The meat, the salami is giving me spice, and I’m really liking that.
She said: There is that nice little bit of spice. It’s spice-ay.
He said: Tomato sauce is there. It’s not overpowering, it’s a really good ratio. The crust is really nice, actually. I can’t believe I’ve never gone to Pizza Garden before! I lived really close for like a year. I’m really sad I didn’t go!
She said: So what time of day?
He said: It’s your late night pizza, it’s perfect for that. And it’s $3. This is the best slice of pizza you’re going to get for that price point that tastes authentically Italian. And I’ve been to Italy, I didn’t just see Call Me By Your Name.
She said: See, because this is slightly fancier, I’m thinking I just came out of, like, a 3:00 pm exam. I’m not ready for dinner, but I want a ‘congratulations you just finished an exam’ hardy snack.
3. Uncle Fatih’s
Order: Beef Blue Cheese
Price: $2.25
Time: Solid 1 minute of plank (which is impressive both for you and a pizza).
Grease factor: On a low grease diet.
Unexpected: 3 options of dressings!
He said: I feel like I’m eating a hamburger. The crust is not thin, it’s not Neapolitan, it’s not burnt. It’s well done. The interesting thing about Uncle Fatih’s is the presence of sesame seeds. They’re in a lot of their pizza and they’re interesting. I don’t eat a lot of them and I don’t know if I miss them, but it does add a new texture.
She said: Fair enough. Yeah, I mean the ratio of toppings to crust is not bad. This is a bit of a thicker crust.
He said: You’re not doing this for an authentic Neapolitan pizza experience. You’re doing this ‘cause you need a quick fix. It is tasty, it is quick, it’s simple, it’s a university staple. This is the perfect going out pizza. It’s open till 3:00 am on weekends. They heat it up for you. They give you ranch, they give you hot sauce—what more could you want?
She said: It’s your late night snack.
4. Mercante
Order: Al Pesto Pizza
Price: $12.60 (for a whole pizza)
Time: Made to order—about the same as the walk between Forestry and the Nest.
Grease factor: Danny and Sandy’s child.
Unexpected: Their boxes fold into a smaller box for leftovers!
She said: I always think it looks really aesthetically pleasing. I’d say, with the other pizzas, there hasn’t been an obvious presence of cheese, but you can really see it on this one. You get that cheesy pull. She hot, she very hot. There’s a danger associated with this one [burns her mouth]. That was traumatic, not going to lie. Yeah. This is not an immediately eat sort of situation!
He said: What a great problem to have. Did you know that they ship this flour from Italy?
She said: No?! So it’s the real deal. I’m getting pure Italian flour right now.
He said: It’s an authentic Italian crust!
She said: Well then, take my money! I’ve come here on a nice lunch date between classes when my friends and I had the same break. It does take a bit more time, so it’s never a quick stop.
He said: This is like, if you’re not sure if the person likes you and you take them to Mercante to hang and then you ask them on a date.
5. Pie R Squared
Order: Ham and pineapple
Price: $2.63
Time: 5 tinder swipes
Grease factor: You’d see the remnants on your laptop keyboard.
Unexpected: Pineapple?!
She said: She hot, she a good temp. They have good heat lamps. So even if it’s not fresh, it’s still hot. This is quite a thin crust, I know them for thicker.
He said: It’s a good option if you want to eat lunch on campus and want to spend under $5.
She said: Cheap, convenient.
He said: If you get some more of the elaborate flavours, then you get a little bit more. Apple cinnamon one, the pierogi one. They’re adventurous with their flavours.
She said: They have a lot of options to choose.
He said: I’m going to eat the pineapple.
She said: Good, ‘cause I hate it.
He said: It’s hot, it’s juicy.
She said: See, anything that’s juicy on my pizza is really not what I want.
He said: I think the reason you go here is for proximity.
She said: This is a good option if you need to grab something quick for class.
