illustrated bagels
September 21, 2018
4 mins read

Snacks of UBC: Bagels

We’re He said/She said. Two foodies on a mission to test the variety of snack offerings around campus and give candid opinions on the scrumptious snacks we find.

These posts will be bite-sized, but packed with flavour—like a good cocktail weenie.

Today, we’re rating the bagels around campus and asking the age-old question: as a seagull, would you swoop for this bagel?

Sarah at UBC campus pointing at a seagull.

1. Tim Hortons

Forestry building

Order: Everything bagel + herb & garlic cream cheese

Price: $2.30

Time: The same time we waited for Queen by Nicki Minaj to drop.

He said: You can rip it or you can bite it.

She said: Good layer of cream cheese on this!

He said: Okay, there’s a lot happening right now. It’s kind of like an intro class.

She said: The syllabus has been thrown at me.

He said: First-bite impressions?

She said: The herb cream cheese really comes through. With the sesame seeds, it’s a unique pairing.

He said: I’m liking the garlic. There’s a lot of garlic in this. You will not be going on a Tinder date after this, unless the Tinder date is a vampire and you hate them. This is a revenge Tinder-date bagel. Also, there’s the perfect amount of cream cheese on this bagel.

She said: Yeah, I was going to say—they really have got the ratio down.

He said: Whoever did this...god’s work.

She said: Would you swoop this bagel?

He said: Yeah, I love garlic.

She said: I feel like it may not be the first bagel I swoop, but I would still swoop it.

2. Starbucks

Various locations around campus

Order: Plain bagel + plain cream cheese

Price: $2.85

Time: Could read about 20 tweets.

She said: Well, off the bat, already disappointed that we have to cream cheese the bagel ourselves.

He said: Did you just use cream cheese as a verb?

She said: I did. To cream cheese a bagel. ‘Cause if you’re in a rush to class, you don’t want to have to be putting cream cheese on a bagel in lecture.

He said: That being said, it’s very choose-your-own-adventure. You get to pick the amount of cream cheese that you want.

He said: The smell is like a baguette. Like, if you told me I was eating a baguette right now, I would be happy.

She said: Like, if you close your eyes right now you’d think—

He said: —France!

She said: Yes!

He said: Marseille, is that you? This is my boyfriend, Bagél.

She said: If you were a seagull, would you swoop this bagel?

He said: Yes.

She said: Yeah, I think I would, too.

3. Blue Chip Cafe

The Nest

Order: Jalapeno & cheddar bagel + sundried tomato & herb cream cheese

Price: $3.95

Time: A Nicki Minaj music video.

She said: You know I have high expectations for this bagel.

He said: If this cream cheese doesn’t pay my tuition, I don’t know if we can be here.

She said: Oh wow, look at that! That’s the amount of cream cheese that you want.

He said: It’s hard to pick up. It’s just so heavy. I’m getting my exercise today. Just curl it. One, and two, and three...

She said: Wow, wow, I don’t think I knew flavour until this moment!

He said: I’m leaving my baguette boyfriend Bagél for this.

She said: If you were a seagull, would you swoop this bagel?

He said: Every time, every day.

She said: I would be a seagull that stalks the nest, just waiting for anyone to leave so that I could swoop this bagel.

He said: Oh, I would go inside the nest. I would cause a ruckus for this bagel. I would wait a long time for this.

4. McDonald’s

5728 University Blvd. (in the University Village)

Order: Cinnamon raisin bagel + plain cream cheese

Price: $2.30

Time: Waiting for the 99 B-line in rush hour (she’s every 3 minutes y’all).

She said: There’s a lot of cream cheese.

He said: It’s kind of like a cream puff amount of cream cheese.

She said: I don’t have high expectations for this.

He said: The queen doesn’t like raisins.

She said: That’s the thing. Well, I’m avoiding the raisins in it. I’m just trying to go for the cinnamon. I just got a raisin and I hate it. I can’t handle the raisins.

He said: If you told me this was a McDonald’s bagel, I would be like “nuh-uhh”. So I lowered my standards for the fact that it’s a McDonald’s bagel. For something from McDonald’s, it’s really good.

She said: If you were a seagull, would you swoop this bagel?

He said: I mean, I’m here for it in that it’s cinnamon raisin. It’s our first cinnamon raisin all day. I really enjoy that aspect of it—it’s a sweeter bagel. The price is right. The location—it’s perfect if you live in Fairview, or if you’re close to the 99 stop. Yeah, I would swoop for it.

She said: I think I’d hesitate before I swooped it.

No matter your bagel-to-cream-cheese preferences, UBC’s sure to have something for you!

Be sure to check back here on the UBC Life Blog to hear what He said/She said feels about their next snack quest: pizza!